Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Sheep in Wolf's Clothing PT 4 and 5

Yeah talk about a serious error. You see my life is going through extensive changes. Plans are never definate despite how desperately we all try to make them out to be. It's just disappointment waiting to happen. So I did not hit save and publish last night on my latest blog and so it may look like I am missing a day when in actuality I am not.

It was pre Christmas eve night and I stayed in my room towards the end of it. My day was spent dreading the future slightly.  It was filled with classes and various events all involving 5 he same concept of leaving the service. It's a major change and I am fearing it. Fear as I have stated before is a killer to motivation and accomplishment.  My outlook did not appear postive, but I realize I am only looking ahead 5 steps rather than 20 steps ahead of it. With my given situation, it is very difficult to look further out than 5 steps. One can dream though.

So I got my dates when I am leaving the service that is this man's army. It's been an amazing ride though and I have to admit that. When it comes to my last day, I'll let you know if Hemingway was right.

I know I have missed two days of posting my blog, but it's been a crazy two days. Went from Christmas Eve to just Christmas. I did not do what I really want to do or get what I really want for the holidays. No its nothing tangible or something with a monetary tag on it. To simply coin it, "I miss my daughters." Everything is so meaningless in comparison.  I am a family man in most regards and I am a father. I love my girls wholeheartedly despite what it may appear to some. I vow to make it up to them, but I fear that I may not be able to.

It's the holidays for Pete sakes. It's cold and well this pretty much sums it, the picture with the bird.

Despite my social butterfly attributes of themask I portray, I do feel as though that I deserve to be alone. No one should be burdened by my baggage. It's a pretty hefty load that I believe is mine to bear. 

I am a sentinel, the warden of the darkness. I belong in the shadows fighting for humanity. Martyrdom is the word I use for this thought process. Get too close and you'll feel like Icarus.  If you don't know the tale, well Google it.

There has been a lot of reflection and even more reflection after that. I that what this blog is for and well as you continue to read this, thank you for reading a synopsis of my life. I feel as though I shouldn't edit this blog  for Grammer or structure due to that perception of sharing my reality. Life is raw and unedited and thus my writing will depict that. I am a sheep afterall.

So at the moment I have one percent left on my battery life and I'm hitting save so I can continue sharing. Forgive me dear reader, but hello my friends and strangers call me Hiro and I and going to profess my thoughts here. 

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